I wanted to start this blog and use it for happy normal things that happen in our "crazy" life of a "Blended" family with 4 children....But there are some things that have been happening (for years)and I just can't get them out of my mind... So I thought that maybe, putting my thoughts and feeling into words... just might help. We'll see....
Here I go... As I had mentioned before we are a blended family. My husband has 2 sons from a previous marriage.. I can feel step-mother's cringing all over the world, feeling my pain, before I even start. I will start with.. my 2 step-sons are wonderful young men. From the very beginning of the relationship between their father and me, I have always loved them and tried my hardest to treat them no different than my own 2 children. At the beginning A & C lived with there "birth" mother across the river.. We live in an area where on 1 side of the river is one state and when you cross the river your in another state... So they lived on one side and we (their dad & I) lived on the other... It sounds like a long commute, but it's not.. maybe 20 minutes from their home to ours.. But anyhoo.. I felt guilty because my children were always involved in some sort of activity.. And A & C were not.. Even tho dad paid child support we started getting them involved in things in our community, with my children.. Thing such as swimming lessons, ice skating lessons, baseball, soccer, boy scouts, we signed them up because we felt is was the right thing to do.. And I know that it was.. But over the years they eventually moved across the river with us, even though the oldest returned to the other side of the river.. We still tried to make sure that they were and that we were involved in activities that would help them to be a better person, maybe in school, in the community or just in life... I have about been to every game, concert, meeting, school programs, teacher meetings, and so forth.. even though their "birth " mother has made about 25% of the events in these 2 young men's lives... Their was and is always a "good" reason that she didn't make a game or a derby or whatever it was, that was very important to the boys, and they always accepted her reason..
There were many times that I missed my own children's things, because I knew that they would always have a cheering section between grandparent, Aunts, Uncles, and of course their dad... because, I would go and watch A or C in their activity, because chances were their "birth" mother would not be there.. I would have tears in my eyes watching A of the soccer field just scanning the crowd many times.. and I know that he was looking for his mother, but so many times she didn't show.. Oh, he would be upset.. till he talked to her, and she would give him 1 of 1000's of reasons that she has used over the last 11 1/2 yrs of their life and again.. he would buy and then everything would be all hunky dorey..
What I can't understand and what hurts me the most is...When she finally does show up for something.. It's like their dad & I are invisible.. we don't exist.. Tonight we went to a show at the high school that C was in.. Even though I just had a Major surgery 4 days ago.. I am the one that made sure he outfit was clean and ready, made sure he was there on time, I am the one that stood with my arms in the air the whole show so that I could video it for him... His dad even arranged to get off of work early, so that he could be there.. and after the show was over, he went straight to his mother, whom we were very surprised was even there, since C had asked to go to her home for the weekend and was told she had plans, he had tried to call her all weekend to make sure she was gonna be there, and every time he got the answering machine, for 3 days straight.. But she finally called him on the afternoon of the show, about 3 hours before and said that she would be there... I know that he loves his mother (and he should), but it was again, like having a knife stabbed in the heart.. His dad had to go up to him about 10 minutes after the show to find out if he was riding with us or getting a ride... Well... his mother had her "perfect mother' mask on, so she said that she would drop him off at our house.. It was sad.. I would loved to have told him how great he did. Even if I had to tell him after he had visited with his mother for a few minutes... but he had no intention of even coming over to us... he went with his mom and got in the food line..
I am tired of being hurt and crying over this... Everyone says... oh... A & C will see the real picture when they are older.. They will know what's what... But will they ever??? Did I waste all of this time in my life on another woman's children, for nothing?? I do believe that because of the time and opportunities that I gave A & C that they will be better adults for it... But am I being selfish to ask... What do I get out of it... I don't get the love & the hugs... like she does.. What do step-mom's get in return for all the love and support that we give to our step-children?? I know... I'm sure I am being selfish... So, I'll quit rambling... and just shut-up....
Mawmaw & Jenn
Mawmaw & Jenn getting there hands waxed...
Mawmaw & Jenn & Travis
Jenn trimming Mawmaw's hair
Travis, me, Jenn and Mawmaw after Jenn's graduation...
