That's my story and I'm sticking to it...

A few people have been asking about my story... I feel strength & hope when I read other stories but, my story, I have a hard time talking about.. I'm not sure why.. I love my life, my kids, my husband, my job... but, for some reason, it is just really hard talking about my self having CANCER... Maybe because it brings back all of the memories of HELL... and all the things that I missed out on.. Even things that I was there for... I don't really remember.. I felt like a robot that just went from 1 day to the next trying to finish all the treatments, and at the same time keep my life in order, the house straight, the kids bathed & fed, and school work done, and try really hard not to forget any ball games or cub scout meeting or parent/teacher conferences. Because lord knows, I had an ex- husband and an ex-Mother-in-law that were ready to pounce and let me know how shitty of a job I was doing. But that my dear friends.... is a whole nother blog...
I also think that maybe I haven't talk about my story because I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me...
But, anyhoo here it is... I'll try and make it short..
I'll stat in Jan. 1997, I was a single mom of 2 beautiful kids... Jenn was 7 and Travis was 5, and I had found the man that I felt was my soul mate... We moved in together in June 1997.. Life was grand, and I even liked his 2 boys.. Aaron was 7, and Christian was 3... We were going to be the happy blended family... until Aug. 1998; during my yearly check-up a lump was found. I was sent to a surgeon and it was confirmed that I did indeed have Breast Cancer. Because of my age (30) and the size of the tumor... I was told that I had a 30% chance to live 5 yrs... After all the x-rays and scans were done to find out if the cancer had spread... I got that good news/ bad news thing... The good news was the cancer had not spread out of the site.. But the bad news was I also had Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. How could this be??? I am 30 yrs old, I have 2 small children, I finally find my soul mate and now there telling me that I have 2 cancers...At the time I was like.. I would like to know what I did so wrong to be handed this..Still haven't found the answer to that one yet??
After a couple of surgeries to remove the tumor, install a port, I was ready for chemo.. I started chemo on 12/2/97. I asked Dr. Z a million times... are you sure my hair is going to fall out, and every time his answer was the same... He would always look away from me and say.. I'm sooo sorry Ms. P but yes you are.. In about 2 weeks.. I LOVED my oncology Dr... He had been at this job for more than 30 years and he still had a heart & cared how I felt. As for my hair.. I felt that my hair was my best feature.. It was long & full.. And friends often joked with me & called me Simba (from the Lion King). Well Dr Z was right & wrong.. I did loose my hair.. But I babied it.. I don't think that I washed it the last week. But, by 12/23/98 I couldn't deny it any longer... It had to go.. I was leaving hair all over the house. So me & my momma went into the bathroom and she preceded to shave my head.. I was trying so hard not to cry and be a BIG girl about it... But, I have to say I shed some tears over loosing my hair.. But their was 1 humorous thing that happened.. While my mom was shaving my head, she stops and all of sudden says.. "Oh my gosh.. I forgot you had a freckle on the top of your head.. It kind of lightened the mood a little. I really don't know what I would have done if I hadn't of had my mom their.. Anyhoo... I was to flip back & forth between A/C for the Breast Cancer and ABVD for the Lymphoma... On Valentines 1999 Dan proposed to me.. I knew that this man must really love me.. Because how many men would ask a women to marry them as he sat their staring her in the face as the dinning room light made her head look like it had just been waxed. Yep.. When he popped the "BIG" question.. I had nothing covering my bald head.. Well, all the chemo took for ever.. I finally finished chemo in 8/99. Since I had to have two different fields that were side by side and on the chest region ( near my heart, lungs.. u know the stuff I need to live) that needed radiation, I had to travel to the University of Iowa Hospitals & Clinics... For 2 months, I drove 5 days a week, an hour each way to receive radiation.. I am proud to say.. That I drove my self there & back for everyone of them, and then went straight to work. I did continue to work my full time job thru chemo & radiation with only missing very little time. I really believe that if I had not worked and did not have all the girls in the office to talk to... I would have gone in sane.... I did have my mom.. She lives in N.C and she came up here to help out as much as possible... But were not rich.. And plane tickets are expensive... And needless to say.. All of this medical stuff was costing a small fortune even though I did have medical insurance..
After I finished all treatments 11/99.. I still continue to have pain.. At first it was near where I had surgery.. And after a few years it had seem to spread throughout my body... by the summer of 2005 I was on Oxycodone... I hated being drug all the time... when at times the pain meds didn't even help the pain... I was kind of scared to keep going to my Dr., I didn't want him to think that I just wanted pain meds.. Finally I found a web site where you could take a health quiz and it would help give you an idea of what was wrong with you. It came back Fibromyalgia.. So I went to my family Dr. and he sent me to another Dr. and finally I was told what I already had found out.. Fibromyalgia... and there is NO cure.. So now I have been thru Physical Therapy and Occupational Therapy... didn't help.. Loose weight and be more active... That's what I was told.. WHATEVER.. ( I was given tons of steroids during my chemo treatments and it made me pack on the weight.. about 50 lbs. So I asked my oncologist since you gave me meds to put the weight on.. Can you give me something to help take it off... Well.. His answer was NO... What the crap.. They have drained me of all my energy.. Therefore I have no energy for will power..) And that was from a Dr. at the pain clinic.. If I had any energy at all... I would LOVE to be more active... and when I did try and make myself more active... I hurt like HELL..... I feel like Damned if you do and Damned if you don't.. I take my meds and I deal with it... Some days are better than others but a lot of days are worse that others...
During all of this.. Dan & I got married 3/11/2000.. He has been my rock for the Breast Cancer stuff... but the Fibromyalgia.. Not so much. I just don't think that he gets it... But, again I deal with it...
I just want to live my life without having to just deal with it... Is that too much to ask for..
Maybe one day...
Sorry... I am sure that I did a lot of rambling... But, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it…