C. Denise Survive

Don't faint....

2009-05-06T01:01:00.002-05:00

Yes... that's right I am posting again...
It seems like it has been forever since I last blogged.. well, it almost has been..lol
A lot has happen and I will try and do a blog a day till I have caught you all up with all of the activities that have went on.. from school dances to sports to school musicals to a new job...(no, not me)..lol
The main reason that I haven't blogged is.. this darn Fibro.. At times it seems to just suck the life right out of me... Some of it has to do with the fact that I now have to get up at 5:15 every morning.. And anyone that knows me at all... knows that I am NOT a morning person.. But, this new wake-up time... makes for a very loooooong day.. My first baby gets here at 5:30, and my last child leaves at 4-4:30.. So I am looking at about 11 hr days with babies...
I know that my own children get tired of rounding the couch in the evenings and there mom lays with Bella & Bosco of course... and all 3 of us are snoring and drooling away..lol
But, I kinda feel like I am out of that Fibro funk for now.. and I am sooo hoping that life will get back to normal.. or at least normal for our family...
Take care.. We love and miss you all..
And the up-dating will start tomorrow...lol

Apple Pie...Smell-a-vision

2009-03-19T07:30:00.010-05:00

I bought the coolest little gadget while we were on our little mini vacation in Amana, Iowa

You take any pie crust.. Home-made or store bought.. mine just happens to be store bought.. you will need a top and a bottom crust..lay the first crust in the bottom of your pie plate.. Add your favorite apple pie filling..

Lay your top crust out on your counter.. Add a little flour to the top side..

I take my handy dandy new little gadget and center it on top of the crust and press down.. kinda like making a play-doh cut-out... And then carefully pull up the little apple cutter gadget.. And like magic.. you have the coolest little apple cut-outs for your top pie crust..

Add your top crust to the top of your pie and pinch the edges together..

I just think this is the coolest..

I took the little extra apples that the gadget cut-out and arranged them on top of my pie crust... I also added a little water to the back of the little apples, so they would bake in place...

Pop it in your oven and bake per instructions... and your end product, is one of the most delicious looking apple pies that I have ever baked...

I wish that Smell-a-vision was available.. because this apple pie smells scrumptious, and I think that it is time to serve the hubby a piece, with a side of vanilla ice cream... Mmmmmmm

The Inlaw's are.....

2009-03-16T23:54:00.004-05:00

2 of the sweetest people you will ever meet... Now, if they lived next door.. well, I just might think other-wise... but, I dout it... I LOVE them both to death... I so wished they did live closer... That is one of the things that I do miss about my 1st marriage.. Is shopping and hanging out with my x-Mother-in-law and my sister-in-laws.. were still friends and close, but, it's just not the same..
Sometimes I will hear about them going here or there.. and for a split second, I think... they didn't invite me.. and then I remember.. wait I'm not apart of there family anymore... And I guess I feel this way, because I have NO family here.. and for many years.. they were my family....

But, anyhoo.. My hubby's Mother and Step-Father came up for a visit from San Antonio.. It had been about 6 yrs since we had seen them.. And for family.. that's a long time.. I hope that we have it in our budget to go there for a vacation next year..It was so funny seeing them after that long.. I could see how much my Sister-in-Law looks likes her Mother.. Their body language and the way they both tilt there head when their talking, and shrug there shoulders and cut their eyes to the side... I don't know why.. it just amused me.. and I sat and wondered.. Do me & my mom do this...

We didn't get to spend alot of time with my In-laws.. but, what time we had.. I really enjoyed being with them... And it makes me wish that they lived, just a little bit closer...

Weekend in Amana...

2009-03-15T21:30:00.019-05:00

Every once in awhile.. you have to say... What the Heck.. and just drop everything, and just get away.. even if it's just for a weekend and only 1 1/2 hours away ..
So, that's exactly what the hubby & I did this past weekend.. We went to a beautiful little Amish community and spent the weekend..
Last year, my hubby got his first ever hole in one at a golf course in this small Amish town of Amana, Iowa.. which I blogged about here....

Since our Anniversary was this past week.. we decided to take advantage of all the free gift that my hubby won.. which included.. a 2 nite stay for 4 at a condo on the golf course, Breakfast for 4, dinner for 4, and a limo ride to dinner.. which I LOVED since it was the first time that I had even been inside a lemo... It was pretty cool... Dinner was great... and of course the company was great.. Our friends Cory & Susie went with us... And after all the excitement of a day filled with shopping, eating,Lemo ridding, and more eating.. what do we do for entertainment afterward's... We go back to the condo and play Wii of course... And consume a few Millstream brewery beers... Well, not me.. I'm not too much of a drinker... I think I took to drinks of a wine cooler...
We had a great time.. Thanks Susie & Cory for going with us.. we had a great time...

Our Condo's were great.. they actually gave Dan & I a 1 bedroom suite..With a full kitchen and all.. And Cory & Susie got there own room.. and since they were side by side.. we were able to leave our doors open and just go back and forth between the rooms, like it was a 2 bedroom.. but, yet we had our own space.. Loved it.. The only thing the hubby didn't like.. there was NO TV in the bedroom.. Hint, Hint.. dear.. there should be other things to do in the bedroom rather than watch TV... like..... hmmmm.... SLEEP......

Front of our Condo...

Susie's delicious Strawberry daiquiri on the rocks...

Mine & the hubby's drinks.. Home brew for him and a frozen Strawberry daiquiri for me.. The hubby had to drink mine, because I thought it was gross.. not sweet enough...

The hubby already relaxing in the Condo...

The bedroom... with No TV...lol

The view off of our back deck.. It's not the Smokey Mts., but it was still beautiful...

And I thought I was having a hard time sleeping...

2009-03-12T06:08:00.003-05:00

This is just one of the many things that I HATE about having a "kinda" major flare... I sleep like crap... I seem to be up & down all night long. And I really pay for this when morning comes. For some reason, that's when I feel I am able to sleep.. Why is this???
And more than I hate not being able to sleep.. I absolutely HATE over sleeping.. And I have did this twice this week... URghhhhhh
But today is my Friday this week... So let's hope next week is a much better week...
it should be.. My hubby & I are are going away for a little R&R this weekend. Not far, only about an hour away.. But, away is away, no matter how far were going. And, Friday can't come soon enough. Last year mu hubby played in a golf tournmaent in a little Amish town, Called Amana... And what do you know.. Hubby got a hole in one.. So he won some cool prized for this. So, we are finally cashen in on the loot.. Which included 2 nights stay in a condo in Amanda, along with breakfast, a Limo ride to dinner. Can't wait... And we get to bring another couple with us, and there also included.. And did I mention, we also get a massage... That is almost the best part..I could have a massage everyday and never tire of them...
So... to end this.. to the parent that had to wake me the last 2 mornings.. I am soooo sorry....

Time flies...

2009-03-11T09:04:00.006-05:00

I can not believe that it has been 9 yrs ago today that my hubby & I made that walk down the aisle..
There were a few people that didn't think it would last a week.. namely our ex's... But, you know what i say... Nananana (as I am sticking my tongue out)... Actually with having a blended family, there have been a few scary moments along the way..
But, how could we not make it?? We had already been through more in our relationship before marriage than most couples that are married 50 yrs ever go through...
So, with that said.. I am proud to say... Happy Anniversary babe.. I Love You... and I can't wait to spend many more happy years with you... But, remember.. when you retire, I'm retiring.. I don't care if I am younger than you...

No such luck....

2009-03-09T20:55:00.004-05:00

Well, I continued to feel like CRAP today.. But, I did OK.. Luckily the babies weren't to demanding.. only the 2 yr old was.. This time change is messing everyone up.. She was tired most of the day.. which means, she didn't listen to a thing.. I would tell her NO and she would turn around and do it anyway.. So finally, I was like.. Fine.. if you really want to stand on top of the kiddie table.. go ahead, but if you fall and break your neck.. were not going to the hospital.. So she thought twice about it.. and then proceeded to climb right on top of the table.. I guess standing on top of the kiddie table is the best view for her to watch the fish and the frogs in the tank.. She's a mess.. And for the record, I did make her get down, and I did grab a chair for her to stand on, while I stood beside her.. So, No broke necks today.. Thank Goodness..

This madness has to stop.. Surly this flare can't last too much longer... It's really hard making baby bottles when your hands don't want to work correctly. But, I got it done, fed the babies, gotta fatten'em up.. That's what I do best.. Ask my hubby...
And so far.. I must say with the help of there parents.. were doing a great job.. the two little ones that I have.. have the cutest little pinching cheeks in the Midwest...

Fibro still flaring it's ugly face...

2009-03-08T21:17:00.003-05:00

Today has pretty much been a wasted day.. just one of many... Nothing got done today.. I was able to make dinner. Even though it was a simple one, didn't take much to fix.
I am so gonna have to go back to the doctor, to get re-evaluated.. My flares are getting more painful and closer together, and lasting longer..
Today it's not just the hands that are aching and hurting, but also my wrist and about half way up my arms, almost to the elbows.
I did put a pain patch on my lower back, so now that area isn't bothering me as much...
Hopefully, when I wake at 5am.. some of this will all be gone... I hate having a flare during the week.. I have 3 precious babies that I look after, and they need my full attention.. And needless to say the 2yr old can run me "raggied" sometimes...
As much as I love watching babies.. I sometimes wonder how much longer I will be able to look after little ones...
Fibro sucks......

My Fibromyalgia has been really bad today...

2009-03-08T03:25:00.002-05:00

My husband and I bowl on a league on Friday nights. So Saturday's are usually really bad flare days. And today was exactly that.. only a little worse.
I was suppose to drive about an hour away to Rock Fall's to visit with my Mother-in-law. I felt really bad that I didn't make it... But, for half the day, all I could do was lay in bed. I know that laying in bed will not help it, but, honestly, I just didn't want to move. Every muscle in my body hurt. And it seems that my hands are getting worse. The only way that I can think of to describe the way my hands feel, is if you stood outside in the freezing cold, till you just can't stand it anymore, and you run inside to warm your hands by the fire.. Well they have this ache, and there all stiff, they just don't want to bend or stretch.. That's the way my hands have been feeling 24/7. One thing that I have found that will temporally help this is to put a towel in the dryer, turn it on and let the towel get really hot... take out the towel and wrap it all around my hands.. Ohhh that feels so good.. But, it doesn't last long.. And I can't stand by the dryer all day...
Usually my flares only last till Monday... So, I am counting down.
Someone has to find a cure for this....

Just a few things that remind me of HOME....

2009-03-07T12:40:00.003-06:00

Livermush

Preston Long

Local Bluegrass

Cherryville new Year Shooter's

What's Wrong With This Picture????

2009-03-04T07:17:00.003-06:00

At first glance.. there seems to be nothing wrong with either of the first two pictures...
The pictures are of sunny San Degio, Ca., and the beautiful Pacific Ocean... Just Beautiful...
San Diego has so many things to offer a visitor... the major thing is the beach of course, Trolley's, the beach, Sea World, the beach, San Diego Zoo, the beach, tour the Gaslampe district, and did I mention the beach...
Well, this is where my hubby is all week... Enjoying the nice warm weather, wearing shorts. He is there with all of the GM's from the company that he works for. Why??? you ask... For there yearly GM's meeting and awards banquet... Even thought the banquet is only one night and the meetings consist of Tuesday morning 8 till noon, and Wednesday morning 8 till 12:30.. And the rest of the time is FREE time.. How hard of a schedule is that... My poor hubby is gonna be sooo tired when he gets home... Poor baby... NOT

I didn't forget to mention that there is a beach there did I???? Well, there is....

And so, I'm sure your wondering what is so wrong with the above two pictures.......

I'M NOT THERE......................

I'm here....I'm at home.... In Iowa... The temp is 25... and as you can tell... a little gray looking.. There are no leaves left on the tree's after winter. I do have a pool.. But it's froze.. and I don't know how to ice skate...

And what is the biggest down fall about being at home and not in San Diego.... There's NO BEACH..... and I have to sleep by myself.... :(

My Sissypoo Finally Got A Snow Day...

2009-03-02T23:11:00.006-06:00

My family stills lives in the town that I grew up in... Cherryville, N.C or if your a local, it's Churvull, N.C... Either way you say it.. It's my Home Town.. And I miss it dearly..
Since I live in Iowa.. we get our fair share of snow during the winter.. and my family, especially my sister, is always saying.. I wish we would get some snow here...
Growing up there, I only remember a few times getting enough snow to make a decent size Snowman..
Well, the Snow Fairy finally got tired of hearing my Sissypoo beg for snow.. So she gave them some.. and not just a little.. but about 6 or 7 inches of the white fluffy stuff.. So needless to say.. There was NO school, and NO work for most..So my Sissypoo got her Snow Day.. About time...
Check out the cool snowman they made....

And here are some gorgeous pictures of the country side from my Hometown...

I am so Thankful that I grew up in GODS country.. So everyone better watch out.. because once ours kids have all graduated high school and are all settled in college... Here we come... This is where I want to retire.... heaven

It's A Girl Thang.....

2009-02-28T18:49:00.008-06:00

Bra's...... not Breast Cancer.....

The girls at Quilters of South Carolina, have created a "Traveling Art Show" of sorts, to raise money for Breast Cancer Research.
And what might you ask is featured in this Art Show??? BRA'S... of course..

This one would be perfect for Halloween....

And this one when your not feeling so nice...

And this one for all the brave Women that have served our country...

And here's one for the girly girl....

And one for the girl that is torn between the Gamecock's and the Tigers...

And then come Oct. (which is also Breast Cancer Awareness Month) these Bra's and many more will be auctioned off and the Money donated to the Best Chance Network, a program to provide care and treatment for uninsured women across the state who are diagnosed with breast and cervical cancer....
So go here, to view all of the bra's and find out how you can become the proud owner of one of there beauties...

And the Dragon Grins.....

2009-02-28T09:34:00.004-06:00

I borrowed this poem from the blog of clueless in carolina...... whom also deals with Fibromyalgia...

THE DRAGON GRINS
The doctor explains to me that I have a Dragon that has come to possess me. This Dragon is mean. This Dragon is deceiving and destructive. "But" the doctor says, "We can work at keeping this Dragon down."

"What is this Dragon's name?" I ask.

The doctor in his professional calmness says "The Dragon is FMS." The doctor explains to me ways we are going to keep him down. "Feed the Dragon some meds like Trazodone or Elavil. Do some light exercise, maybe the Dragon will get tired and leave you alone for a while."

I turn to leave and for the first time I see this Dragon. He looks at me with those evil yellow eyes,

and the Dragon grins.

I say to myself that Dragons can be slain. I read that in stories at school. The armor clad knight slaying the Dragon and triumphantly returning to town.

As I am in this daydream the Dragon jumps on me. I wrestle with him. His hot breath sears my head. His roar makes my ears ring. He leaves me in a pile of flesh on the ground. I ache all over. Some parts of my body are painful to touch. I am exhausted as I pick myself back up again. The Dragon looks back to me --

and the Dragon grins.

"I hate you Dragon." I scream as he walks away. I feed the Dragon the medication prescribed. Slowly at first, then increasing a little as time goes by. I do begin a little exercise. I change some of my diet and increase the carbohydrates. I am starting to feel better. Wow! I can go back to work now. With joy I move about relatively pain free. And I say to myself, "Maybe I have beat this Dragon. Maybe the Dragon was only my imagination. I was just a little depressed and down, but now life is great."

I look to the sky and see dark clouds looming. A cold North wind starts to blow. I hear a thunderous pounding of footsteps. I have heard that sound watching Jurassic park, but I'm not watching the movie. Boom..... Boom... Boom... I don't see anything. Boom...Boom... I panic and start to run. I don't know where to run, but I just run. The pounding gets closer and louder. I feel breath on my neck. I dare not turn around as I try to run faster...faster. A claw grabs my shoulder. Searing hot pain rips down my back. I stumble and get back up. This time something trips me and I roll to my back, staring upward. Terror runs through my body.

The Dragon has returned! "You can't escape" the Dragon yells, "YOU ARE MINE!!" I try to get up as the Dragon slams my body back to the ground. I can hardly stand the pain as he tortures me by stomping my hands. With his teeth he pulls at muscles in my back and legs. He burns my head with intense fiery breath. The battle is finally over. He stares at my crumpled body as I try to get focused on this beast. My eyes finally clear enough to see,

and the Dragon grins.

Days pass. My fingers no longer work like they used to. My muscles feel like the second day of Olympic training, but the sensation does not leave. My head is not clear. I do not see well at night. Parts of me are cold and clammy. I am stiff. Why did the Dragon beat me so hard? When I try to sleep, the Dragon slaps me awake several times at night. Sometimes I am freezing. In bed I awake drenched in sweat. It hurts to stand. It hurts to sit. My mind says one thing and my mouth says another.

And the Dragon grins.

Sometimes I think I am in a nightmare and will just someday wake up, the real me. I don't look sick, so why do I feel so bad. Friends and family laugh when I mess up on my words talking to them. I feel stupid looking in the refrigerator and not knowing why or walking around in circles either not finding what I was after or forgetting what I was looking for.

If I am driving at night and it starts to rain, the road disappears. And it is not uncommon to go somewhere and then make wrong turns coming back. My mind said turn right, but my body said left. I can go somewhere and not remember how I got there. I am not dumb, just not "connected" anymore.
Outwardly I laugh and play, but inside I have to cry sometimes.

And the Dragon grins.

**** by Ray White

Too Young...

2009-02-26T15:04:00.001-06:00

You're young and in a place you didn't ask to be. The doc tells you something you might expect could happen to an aunt, your mom, or your grandmother(not that you would want it to). But it's not, it's happening to YOU! You have cancer... The rest is a blur that turns into a whirlwind...

Start Cutting the Apron Strings....@ 19 almost 20??

2009-02-25T01:10:00.004-06:00

I'm so confused here.. And not because I have Chemo Brain or Fibrofog... At what age do you let your baby start being an Adult. Or at least a young adult, where you sit back just a little, and let them make there own decision's without interfering?? At what age do you let your young adult go on a road trip 2 hrs away to visit a friend.. A guy friend???
I love my daughter dearly, and I trust her to make right decisions, and to be able to tell the difference between right or wrong. And if she does make a wrong decision.. then she's smart enough to call mom..
When I was my daughter's age, I was already married.. Thank Goodness she's not.
I think that I am doing a pretty good job of letting her have her own space, make her own decision's with minimal input from mom.. It's actually my ex-husband her Dad that is having the hardest time.. He thinks that he should be able to still tell her what to do and when. And his word is the law..
I actually think at times... NO, I know at times that he is Verbally Abusive toward both our children... and it just seems to get worse the older they get, the more freedom that they want, or desire.. just kills him. He just can not handle it, and he will do or say whatever he thinks will get them to obey his wishes... I have talked to him about this many times...And there is no stopping him... And if I step up and say, well I think they should be able to do this or that, or whatever it is that is in question.. The first thing out of his mouth is, don't you care about your children??
Yes, I do.. Thank you very much... I feel that I love my children enough to let them be who there gonna be, and not try to shape them into what I want them to be.. But, anyhoo... that is an ongoing struggle with the ex..
The question is... Am I being a bad mom if I just let my daughter drive 2 hours to visit her boyfriend....
Now don't think that she won't be getting an ear full as she's going out the door ... Do you have your cell phone, did you get gas, do you have enough money, do you have your directions, and so on and so on... And your sleeping on the couch... RIGHT.....
Am I being a bad parent for having enough faith in my parenting skills, to believe that I can start cutting the apron string.. at least a little??

A Letter To The Normal People...

2009-02-24T10:07:00.003-06:00

Hello Family, Friends, and Anyone Wishing to Know Me,
Allow me to begin by thanking you for taking the time out of your day to spend some time with me and get to know me better. A person's time is their most valuable asset and yours is appreciated.
I want to talk to you about Fibromyalgia (FM) and Chronic Myofascial Pain Syndrome (MPS). Many have never heard of these conditions and for those who have, many are misinformed. And because of this, judgments are made that may not be correct… So I ask you to keep an open mind as I try to explain who I am and how FM/MPS has assaulted not only my life but those whom I love as well.
You see, I suffer from a disease that you cannot see; a disease that there is no cure for and that keeps the medical community baffled at how to treat and battle this demon, who's attacks are relentless. My pain works silently, stealing my joy and replacing it with tears. On the outside we look alike you and I; you wont see my scars as you would a person who, say, had suffered a car accident. You wont see my pain in the way you would a person undergoing chemo for cancer; however, my pain is just as real and just as debilitating. And in many ways my pain may be more destructive because people can't see it and do not understand....
Please don't get angry at my seemingly lack of interest in doing things; I punish myself enough I assure you. My tears are shed many times when no one is around. My embarrassment is covered by a joke or laughter, but inside I want to die....
Most of my "friends" are gone; even members of my own family have abandoned me. I have been accused of "playing games" for another's sympathy. I have been called unreliable because I am forced to cancel plans I made at the last minute because the burning and pain in my legs or arms is so intense I cannot put my clothes on and I am left in my tears as I miss out on yet another activity I used to love and once participated in with enthusiasm.
I feel like a child at times... Just the other day I put the sour cream I bought at the store in the pantry, on the shelf, instead of in the refrigerator; by the time I noticed it, it had spoiled. When I talk to people, many times I lose my train of thought in mid sentence or forget the simplest word needed to explain or describe something. Please try to understand how it feels to have another go behind me in my home to make sure the stove is off after I cook an occasional meal. Please try to understand how it feels to "lose" the laundry, only to find it in the stove instead of the dryer. As I try to maintain my dignity the Demon assaults me at every turn. Please try to understand….
Sleep, when I do get some, is restless and I wake often because of the pain the sheets have on my legs or because I twitch uncontrollably. I walk through many of my days in a daze with the Fibro-fog laughing at me as I stumble and grasp for clarity.
And just because I can do a thing one day, that doesn't mean I will be able to do the same thing the next day or next week. I may be able to take that walk after dinner on a warm July evening; the next day or even the in the next hour I may not be able to walk to the fridge to get a cold drink because my muscles have begun to cramp and lock up or spasm uncontrollably. And there are those who say "but you did that yesterday!" "What is your problem today?" The hurt I experience at those words scars me so deeply that I have let my family down again; and still they don't understand….
On a brighter side I want you to know that I still have my sense of humor. If you take the time to spend with me you will see that. I love to tell that joke to make another's face light up and smile at my wit. I love my kids and grandbabies and shine when they give me my hugs or ask me to fix their favorite toy. I am fun to be with if you will spend the time with me on my own playing field; is this too much to ask? I love you and want nothing more than to be a part of your life. And I have found that I can be a strong friend in many ways. Do you have a dream? I am your friend, your supporter and many times I will be the one to do the research for your latest project; many times I will be your biggest fan and the world will know how proud I am at your accomplishments and how honored I am to have you in my life.
So you see, you and I are not that much different. I too have hopes, dreams, goals… and this demon…. Do you have an unseen demon that assaults you and no one else can see? Have you had to fight a fight that crushes you and brings you to your knees? I will be by your side, win or lose, I promise you that; I will be there in ways that I can. I will give all I can as I can, I promise you that. But I have to do this thing my way. Please understand that I am in such a fight myself and I know that I have little hope of a cure or effective treatments, at least right now. Please understand….
Thank you for spending your time with me today. I hope we can work through this thing, you and I. Please understand that I am just like you… Please understand….

Copyright of www.fibrohugs.org Written by Ronald J. Waller

Iowa Winter's

2009-02-22T19:03:00.002-06:00

Dear Diary: Iowa Winters:

Aug. 12 - Moved into our new home in Iowa. It is so beautiful
here. The hills and river valleys are so picturesque. I have a
beautiful old oak tree in my front yard. I Can hardly wait to see
the change in the seasons. This is truly God's Country
Oct. 14 - Iowa is such a gorgeous place to live, one of the
real special places on Earth. The leaves are turning a multitude
of different colors. I love all of the shades of reds, oranges and
yellows, they are so bright. I want to walk through all of the
beautiful hills and spot some white tail deer. They are so
graceful; certainly they must be the most peaceful creatures on
Earth. This must be paradise.
Nov. 11 - Deer season opens this week. I can't imagine why anyone
would want to shoot these elegant animals. They are the very
symbol of peace and tranquility here in Iowa. I hope it snows
soon. I love it here!
Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. I woke to the usual wonderful
sight: everything covered in a beautiful blanket of white. The oak
tree is magnificent. It looks like a postcard. We went out and
swept the snow from the steps and driveway. The air is so crisp,
clean and refreshing. We had a snowball fight. I won, and the
snowplow came down the street. He must have gotten too close to
the driveway because we had to go out and shovel the end of the
driveway again. What a beautiful place. Nature in harmony. I
love it here!
Dec. 12 - More snow last night. I love it! The plow did his cute
little trick again. What a rascal. A winter wonderland. I love
it here!
Dec. 19 - More snow - couldn't get out of the driveway to get to
work in time. I'm exhausted from all of the shoveling. And that
snowplow!
Dec. 21 - More of that white shit coming down. I've got blisters
on my hands and a kink in my back. I think that the snowplow
driver waits around the corner until I'm done shoveling the
driveway. Asshole.
Dec. 25 - White Christmas? More freakin' snow. If I ever get my
hands on the SOB who drives that snowplow, I swear I'll
castrate him. And why don't they use more salt on these roads to
melt this crap??
Dec. 28 - It hasn't stopped snowing since Christmas. I have been
inside since then, except of course when that SOB 'Snowplow Mark
comes by. Can't go anywhere, cars are buried up to the windows.
Weather man says to expect another 10 inches. Do you have any idea
how many shovelfuls 10 inches is??
Jan. 1 - Happy New Year? The way it's coming down it won't melt
until the 4th of July! The snowplow got stuck down the road and
the shit head actually had the balls to come and ask to borrow a
shovel! I told him I'd broken 6 already this season.
Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house. We went to the store to get
some food and a damn deer ran out in front of my car and I hit
the thing. It did $3,000 in damage to the car. Those beasts
ought to be killed. The hunters should have a longer season if you
ask me.
Jan. 27 - Warmed up a little and rained today. The rain turned the
snow into ice and the weight of it broke the main limb of the oak
tree in the front yard and it went through the roof. I should have
cut that old piece of shit into fireplace wood when I had the
chance.
May 23 - Took my car to the local garage. Would you believe the
whole underside of the car is rusted away from all of that damn
salt they dump on the road? Car looks like a bashed up, heap of
rusted cow shit.
May 10 - Sold the car, the house, and moved to North Carolina. I can't
imagine why anyone in their freakin' mind would ever want to live
in the State of Iowa
I'm not sure who wrote this... but for me.. it's soo true...
To anyone who is an Iowian .. I'm sorry....

What Cancer Can Not Do....

2009-02-22T01:32:00.000-06:00

That's my story and I'm sticking to it...

2009-02-20T14:36:00.002-06:00

A few people have been asking about my story... I feel strength & hope when I read other stories but, my story, I have a hard time talking about.. I'm not sure why.. I love my life, my kids, my husband, my job... but, for some reason, it is just really hard talking about my self having CANCER... Maybe because it brings back all of the memories of HELL... and all the things that I missed out on.. Even things that I was there for... I don't really remember.. I felt like a robot that just went from 1 day to the next trying to finish all the treatments, and at the same time keep my life in order, the house straight, the kids bathed & fed, and school work done, and try really hard not to forget any ball games or cub scout meeting or parent/teacher conferences. Because lord knows, I had an ex- husband and an ex-Mother-in-law that were ready to pounce and let me know how shitty of a job I was doing. But that my dear friends.... is a whole nother blog...
I also think that maybe I haven't talk about my story because I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me...
But, anyhoo here it is... I'll try and make it short..
I'll stat in Jan. 1997, I was a single mom of 2 beautiful kids... Jenn was 7 and Travis was 5, and I had found the man that I felt was my soul mate... We moved in together in June 1997.. Life was grand, and I even liked his 2 boys.. Aaron was 7, and Christian was 3... We were going to be the happy blended family... until Aug. 1998; during my yearly check-up a lump was found. I was sent to a surgeon and it was confirmed that I did indeed have Breast Cancer. Because of my age (30) and the size of the tumor... I was told that I had a 30% chance to live 5 yrs... After all the x-rays and scans were done to find out if the cancer had spread... I got that good news/ bad news thing... The good news was the cancer had not spread out of the site.. But the bad news was I also had Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. How could this be??? I am 30 yrs old, I have 2 small children, I finally find my soul mate and now there telling me that I have 2 cancers...At the time I was like.. I would like to know what I did so wrong to be handed this..Still haven't found the answer to that one yet??
After a couple of surgeries to remove the tumor, install a port, I was ready for chemo.. I started chemo on 12/2/97. I asked Dr. Z a million times... are you sure my hair is going to fall out, and every time his answer was the same... He would always look away from me and say.. I'm sooo sorry Ms. P but yes you are.. In about 2 weeks.. I LOVED my oncology Dr... He had been at this job for more than 30 years and he still had a heart & cared how I felt. As for my hair.. I felt that my hair was my best feature.. It was long & full.. And friends often joked with me & called me Simba (from the Lion King). Well Dr Z was right & wrong.. I did loose my hair.. But I babied it.. I don't think that I washed it the last week. But, by 12/23/98 I couldn't deny it any longer... It had to go.. I was leaving hair all over the house. So me & my momma went into the bathroom and she preceded to shave my head.. I was trying so hard not to cry and be a BIG girl about it... But, I have to say I shed some tears over loosing my hair.. But their was 1 humorous thing that happened.. While my mom was shaving my head, she stops and all of sudden says.. "Oh my gosh.. I forgot you had a freckle on the top of your head.. It kind of lightened the mood a little. I really don't know what I would have done if I hadn't of had my mom their.. Anyhoo... I was to flip back & forth between A/C for the Breast Cancer and ABVD for the Lymphoma... On Valentines 1999 Dan proposed to me.. I knew that this man must really love me.. Because how many men would ask a women to marry them as he sat their staring her in the face as the dinning room light made her head look like it had just been waxed. Yep.. When he popped the "BIG" question.. I had nothing covering my bald head.. Well, all the chemo took for ever.. I finally finished chemo in 8/99. Since I had to have two different fields that were side by side and on the chest region ( near my heart, lungs.. u know the stuff I need to live) that needed radiation, I had to travel to the University of Iowa Hospitals & Clinics... For 2 months, I drove 5 days a week, an hour each way to receive radiation.. I am proud to say.. That I drove my self there & back for everyone of them, and then went straight to work. I did continue to work my full time job thru chemo & radiation with only missing very little time. I really believe that if I had not worked and did not have all the girls in the office to talk to... I would have gone in sane.... I did have my mom.. She lives in N.C and she came up here to help out as much as possible... But were not rich.. And plane tickets are expensive... And needless to say.. All of this medical stuff was costing a small fortune even though I did have medical insurance..
After I finished all treatments 11/99.. I still continue to have pain.. At first it was near where I had surgery.. And after a few years it had seem to spread throughout my body... by the summer of 2005 I was on Oxycodone... I hated being drug all the time... when at times the pain meds didn't even help the pain... I was kind of scared to keep going to my Dr., I didn't want him to think that I just wanted pain meds.. Finally I found a web site where you could take a health quiz and it would help give you an idea of what was wrong with you. It came back Fibromyalgia.. So I went to my family Dr. and he sent me to another Dr. and finally I was told what I already had found out.. Fibromyalgia... and there is NO cure.. So now I have been thru Physical Therapy and Occupational Therapy... didn't help.. Loose weight and be more active... That's what I was told.. WHATEVER.. ( I was given tons of steroids during my chemo treatments and it made me pack on the weight.. about 50 lbs. So I asked my oncologist since you gave me meds to put the weight on.. Can you give me something to help take it off... Well.. His answer was NO... What the crap.. They have drained me of all my energy.. Therefore I have no energy for will power..) And that was from a Dr. at the pain clinic.. If I had any energy at all... I would LOVE to be more active... and when I did try and make myself more active... I hurt like HELL..... I feel like Damned if you do and Damned if you don't.. I take my meds and I deal with it... Some days are better than others but a lot of days are worse that others...
During all of this.. Dan & I got married 3/11/2000.. He has been my rock for the Breast Cancer stuff... but the Fibromyalgia.. Not so much. I just don't think that he gets it... But, again I deal with it...
I just want to live my life without having to just deal with it... Is that too much to ask for..
Maybe one day...
Sorry... I am sure that I did a lot of rambling... But, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it…

Bald Chicks are Hott..

2009-02-19T14:15:00.002-06:00

Just wanted to share...

Lover & Best friend

2009-02-18T19:54:00.004-06:00

After reading a blog that I follow.. DOOCE....
She had a post about trivial questions about your marriage... So I decided to try it myself...

What are your middle names?
Mine is Denise and Dan's is Daniel.. A better question for us would have been what are your first names, since we both go by our middle names.. So, my first name is Catherine and Dan's is Jonathan

How long have you been together?
We have been together for 12 1/2 yrs, and we have been married for almost 9 yrs.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
2 yrs.

Who asked whom out?
It was just kinda mutual... We were best friends before there was ever a romantic relationship.

How old are each of you?
I am the "big" 40, and my hubby is a little older then me.. He is 46 yrs young.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
My husbands brother.. All of my siblings live in N.C....

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Finances.... and we will leave it at that..

Did you go to the same school?
No, Dan went to Rock Falls High School in Rock Falls, IL, and I went to Cherryville High School in Cherryville N.C, till I was a junior and then I moved with my dad and ended up graduating from Moline High School, in Moline, IL.

Are you from the same home town?
NO.. My hometown is Cherryville, N.C. and Dan's hometown is Rock Falls, IL.

Who is smarter?
Dan is smarter.. He would kick my butt in any Trivia game.

Who is the most sensitive?
That would be me...

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
This is a hard question.. Since my husband is a GM at a local restaurant.. He would prefer home-cooking instead of going out..

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Cancun, Mx

Who has the craziest exes?
It's almost a tie.. But I won't say who the winner is... lol

Who has the worst temper?
I think that we both do.. I love to throw things and slam doors... and Dan likes to use words.. LOUDLY ..

Who does the cooking?
That's about a tie also.. I like to cook a lot of Southern dishes that I grew up eating, and Dan likes to try out new recipes...

Who is the neat-freak?
Oh.. God... my husband is the neat freak.. You can tell just by looking at our bedroom.. His side compared to mine..

Who is more stubborn?
I think I have some of that Southern Stubboen that DOOCE mentions, but I'm also a Taurus...poor Dan...

Who hogs the bed?
Neither of us.. our 2 little dogs do.. and I'm talkin our Yorkie is 12 lbs. and our Jackie Bichon is all of maybe 8 lbs.

Who wakes up earlier?
Dan always gets up earlier when neither of us really have to.. Otherwise on work days.. I do.. The babies start getting here at 5:30am

Where was your first date?
A walk down by the river... It would have been so romantic if it hadn't been for all the BUGS....

Who is more jealous?
I am.. He works in a Restaurant with a bunch of hot young girls.. I on the other hand.. work at home surrounded with infants and toddlers all day..

How long did it take to get serious?
about a month

Who eats more?
I do...

Who does the laundry?
That would be ME again...

Who's better with the computer?
And ME again..But there are a few things that he has taught me..

Who drives when you are together?
We usually take turns.. Dan will usually drive there and I drive home..

My hubby completes me.....

Is there something in the water???

2009-02-18T13:56:00.003-06:00

Honestly, is there???
In the last 2 1/2 months, I have had two friends diagnosed with Breast Cancer... One friend actually was there for me when I went through it 10yrs ago.. 10 yrs.. has it really been that long?? Actually up until recently.. It had seemed like a life time ago that I knocked on deaths door... It's a time in my life, that I have tried so hard to stash away in the back, on a shelf, that I never visit... I will never be able to forget... It's always there in the back of my head... I never know what will trigger it to come forth, but it always does, and as quickly as I can... I push it right to the back again.. Until the next trigger...
This is something that I did, even when I was slap dab in the middle of all the Hell... But, was this a smart thing to do??? Did I ever really deal with it like I should have?? Sometimes, I think that maybe, I tried to be too strong, so that my kids would not know how much their mom was really hurting. My kids were in 2nd and 5th grades at the time of my diagnoses..I felt they were to young to have to deal with such a grown up issue... Of course I told them.. I had to.. I had No other choice.. There mom was gonna be bald for over a year..
So I sucked it up and plowed straight ahead.. I continued to work full time.. Thank God for an office job...
But, now 10yrs later... I am questioning the way I handled everything.. I know there really isn't a right and a wrong way, because everyone is different.. And I sure wasn't handed a manual on how to handle being diagnosed with 2 cancers, how to handle it all with your kids, your boyfriend (at the time..husband now), the loss of my main identity... my HAIR...... all at the tender age of ...30
But, now that I have had two friends diagnosed.. I seem to fall apart..
Dianna was there for me from the time I got the life changing news...till now.. She saw the good, the bad, and the bald...
Dianna went in to have surgery.. so I bought her a little gift, and a card to surprise her at the hospital before they took her back.. But, once I was there, it took all I had to hand her the gift, give her a hug, and tell her good luck and then excuse myself... Once I made it out to the hallway... I lost it... I don't remember ever crying that hard, especially in front of someone.. I was so mad at myself.. I had come there to show support for Dianna... and I loose it.... WHY????
And that brings me back to the question of... did I not come to terms with my own diagnoses 10 yrs before.. Is that why I have such a hard time discussing cancer with anyone.. Let along someone whom I'm close with....
And it's not just that... A co-worker of my husbands passed away last week.. As any wife would.. I went with him for moral support.. I don't think that I mentioned.. that this co-worker... was 33 yrs old, and a mom... All I did was glance, that's all it took.. I told my husband, I'm sorry.. I'll meet you out front... All I could see was myself... That could have been me.. I know.. It wasn't... But, it doesn't stop me from thinking that it could have been.. and what if either one of my cancers come back.. It could be me...
I just don't know.. maybe, I should have dealt with things more openly and I wouldn't have all these triggers...
I guess for the rest of my life... I could say "What if" about everything...

got insurance????

2009-02-16T01:34:00.009-06:00

My sweet child.... My only son..... He turned 17, just last month..... He's had his driver's license for a little over a year now....

As his mom... I have to admit, that I did teach him how to drive.... He passed his Driver's Ed. class

But... sometimes, my darling sweet child, just get's a little distracted.....

And runs into the flipping garage door.....

Fresh & Frisky Spray, Love Smitten's, and Passion Petals... ohhh my

2009-02-08T01:31:00.006-06:00

Passion Parties.. Have you heard of these??Have you attended one of these parties??
Call me old fashion, frugal, a dud... I don't know.. call me whatever, but I have never been to one of these parties..
I feel that I am very open with my children, I can talk to them just about anything.. To a certain point, and then mom starts getting uncomfortable...
But, my 19 yr old daughter informs me that she went to one of these parties hosted my one of her girlfriends, whom is a yr older than my daughter... Now this friend is already married and has a child.. so, in my eyes that does make it a little bit different...for her, not my daughter... But, still, I do not think that my daughter should be attending one of these parties.. or for that matter have a reason to attend one of these parties...
But, now my 19 yr old daughter has informed me that she wants to host one of these parties and since she still lives at home while she is attending college... she wants to host this party at my house and wants me to attend... What the crap is she thinking??? Her reply is.. Well, mom times have changed and things are different now.. I know this and I fully understand this... But, still, is this something that a Mother and her 19 yr old daughter should share?? I am so confused..
I don't have a problem talking to my daughter about sex.. but I think that attending one of these parties with my daughter.. is a little too much for me.. a little or a lot out of my comfort zone.. Am I too far back in the 80's??
My parents never talked about sex or safe sex with me, at all... never... Finally at the age of 40.. my Mom & I had our 1st talk ever that had to do with sex..
So, I don't know.. maybe it's the way I was raised.. Some things are private...or are they????

There's always more than 1 performer in a family

2009-02-04T21:26:00.005-06:00

Tell me that my nephew doesn't have the moves... come on tell me...
I know he does.. cause it's in his blood.. His Aunt Denise (me).. cut a few rugs when I was a wee bit younger.. As for his mom. my sissypoo... she's a little on the shy side.. and wouldn't be caught dead cutting a rug like that... I don't think that I have seen her dance, since we were kids..
I have to say, that I am VERY proud of my nephew... At the age of 15.. he hated school.. wouldn't go, no matter what... I ran across this web site for kids to finish school and learn a little about the Army and life.. So his mom talked him into going.. It was thru the National guard.. a program about 5 months long.. but so far.. he has finish high school, he's now working full time... and really seems to have gotten on the right track in life... I love you Ry and I wish you all of the luck in life that you can handle...

And.......

I hope that you always feel like dancing before work....

The preformer...

2009-01-28T11:28:00.003-06:00

I know that alot of the time, it seems like I am the piss'ed off, confused, step-mom who has her heart ripped out, thrown on the floor and stomped on time and time again... but each time I pick it back up, replace the smashed thing back in my chest, and go on with life... Until the next time...
But, don't let me sway you into thinking that my step-son is the only one that does this... Nooooo... his older brother, and my 2 biological children have participated in this a time or two..... And each time I pray... God, I can't wait till they have children of there own... that's 10x the child that they have been... I'm sure one day as a grandmaw.. I WILL HAVE THE LAST LAUGH......
But, with that said... I do have times like this past weekend, that I couldn't be prouder of C if he were my own child.... Yes, he did ignore us AGAIN... before, during, and after his performance... Of course he did..his Mom decided to make an appearance... Anyhoo... back to being proud... C and everyone on his dance team, have worked there butts off and it showed in this being there first time competing in a Show choir competition... They ROCKED......

High School Friends

2009-01-27T13:23:00.002-06:00

Is it just me... or does it seem that the Best Friends that you will ever have in life, the most dependable friends, the ones that were always there when you needed them... Were the friends that you had way back when...
I have been lucky that I have kept in contact with most of my girlfriends from high school.. Even though I now live a 1000 miles away.. Thanks to the internet, text messaging we are able to keep up with each others lives. And thanks to Facebook.. lately I have caught up with alot of people that I went to school with...
It's fun seeing who they married, what there children look like, what careers they chose, what they look like now.
It just brings back so many memories of a life that was carefree.. no worries, well, except was I gonna have enough time to curl my hair up in the back today.. what jeans was i gonna wear... and who's house was I gonna stay at this weekend... Life was so simple then..

Stinky shoe's

2009-01-21T22:08:00.003-06:00

A very dear friend of mine has been "chosen" to walk in my shoes... The very shoes that I would not want my worst enemy to step foot in.. Just as I had no choice to walk in the shoes before me... my friend had no choice weather to walk in mine... luckily, my shoes are well worn, and hopefully this will make her journey just a little bit easier.... for my shoes are full of wisdom, love and comfort... and all of these I offer to you my dear friend, as you begin your journey. A journey that many brave women before you and before me have taken... so the path might be a little worn.. but it is all to make your journey a little easier.
One day we will understand and know why Breast Cancer touches some and not others....
I love you and I still miss u.... I hope my shoes don't stink too bad... Please know that I am here for you...

Winter Wonderland

2009-01-14T11:34:00.005-06:00

The snow is deeper than my Uggs
Bosco & Bella playing... Right before Bella made a run for it..
Something is wrong with the snow blower, so Travis had to shovel

Christian shoveling the back deck
The snow is about as deep as Bella is tall
Bosco dosen't think that he is gonna venture much farther..
Dan leaving for work..

So last nite at midnight, it had started to snow a real pretty fine snow... That with the street light hitting it... well it looked like diamonds sprinkled our yard... oooh so pretty.. as long as you don't have to go out in it... The kids loved it... NO SCHOOL... they won't be lovin it at the end of the school year, when there having to make that snow day up... But, they won't think about that till May.. But, I will be thinking about it.. Every time I'm at my wits end.. I'll be thinking "at least I get an extra day before summer break begins"..
Anyhoo... here are some pics of our Winter Wonderland...

Another year older

2009-01-04T05:03:00.007-06:00

Right where you always wanted to be... on Moms lap
I think I was saying... No you are not gonna grow up...
Dan, me and Travis
Jen & Travis
Travis's 17th b-day cake...

It was bound to happen... Even though I have tried and tried and prayed and prayed that it wouldn't happen...
My baby boy is growing up....
It seems like it was only yesterday that I gave life to this little being.. but instead... he turned 17..
At one time his little foot could fit in the palm of my hand... now that little foot wears a size 11...
It seems like it was yesterday that I held a vigil by his crib in the PICU, while he was treated for RSV... Has it really been 12 years since I cradled him in the emergency room.. because he had an accident on his bike... or 10 years since we made a bet to see who's buzzed hair style would grow the fastest... and it's been 8 years since you made my heart swell with pride, because I was the one you were asking to see when you woke up from surgery..
Please be patient with me my baby boy.. when I seem to be having a hard time accepting that your growing into a man...
I love you Bud and I hope you had a great 17th birthday....

Happy New Year....

2009-01-01T21:40:00.006-06:00

Travis and some of his friends playing ping pong in the garage

Cory and Susie

Finally about 4:30 they all gave out..

Zac

Brooke playing Tennis on the Wii

Brooke trying to take down the ceiling fan with the Wii

Miss Susie

Me & Jenn

Aunt Tracy, Travis, Jenn

Jenn aggravating Christian

Playing Music Scene It.. or something like that.. with Tracy, me, Dan, and Sandy

Cory was the controller..

We rang in 2009 with family & friends at our home.. A great time was had by all..And even a few drinks were drank..

2008 will always hold alot of memories.. Jenn said goodbye to her high school years and Hello... to college and the beginning of her adult life..

Christian greeted high school (can you believe it.. Dan's baby.. our youngest.. has started high school) with much apprehension.. But with alot of encouragement, he is now our social butterfly and is involved in everything.. from debate, speech, and a dancing group.. and of course he is still involved in youth group at church...

As for Travis... (my baby)... he turned 16 in 2008 and became a licensed driver... and bought his 1st car.. and had a great junior season in football..

And Dan had a great year in his chosen sports.. He got his first ever "hole in one" at the Amana golf course and won many great prizes, that we will be taking advantage of pretty soon.. And if that wasn't enough... Dan bowled his first ever 300 game this past summer... and that's about all he can handle in one year...

As for myself... I celebrated my 40th birthday.. and 2008 brought me another cancer free year... with that.. what more can I ask for...

2008 also saw Dan & I celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary.. and I thank god that I am still with my "best friend"...

2008 also holds a few things that we would like to leave in 2008...

Jenn had her first car accident

Christian had his first heart break...

Travis experienced a losing football season..

Aaron is realizing that you can't go far without graduating high school ( life lessons are so hard to learn sometimes.. ) but he will succeed in 2009...

Dan's store has struggled in sales all year...

And I had 2 different surgeries this year... But thankfully I was able to have my Mom here both times..

We still experienced alot of finical difficulties in 2008.. my daycare is so unpredictable..

But good or bad... 2008 in now behind.. so I hope & pray that 2009 holds nothing but great things for our family and yours...

Half of the Wells/Willis grandkids graduated in 2008

2008-12-30T16:56:00.000-06:00

Jenn & Steven after graduation...

My niece Alex 9/2008

and my niece Amanda 7/2008

My nephew Ryan graduated 12/2008

and my daughter Jenn with Steven and Taylor.... 5/2008

My daughter Jenn was the first of the grandkids to graduate.... And then followed Amanda and then Alex and now Ryan graduated 3 weeks ago.... And now life begins....

We got a little bit of snow..

2008-12-30T16:29:00.000-06:00

This is what our drive to Rock Falls Il. looked like...

Snows a little deep...

Chris & Jenn were out playing in the snow and taking pics and Chris has NO coat on....

For like a week and a half before Christmas.. It seemed to snow almost everyday.. When my mom is here... It doesn't snow.. She leaves and it snows...

I LOVE the snow.. as long as I can just sit in the house and watch it snow thru the window....

But, we had to go to Dan's family for Christmas.. about 2 hrs away.... and it was nasty till about half way there..... and then it was sunny and beautiful.... But that's just what we have to deal with living in Iowa... But, me being a southern girl... I don't like to be out in it...

Our prayer's were answered

2008-12-29T11:49:00.000-06:00

Bosco & Bella checking out their stockings

My "best friend" the hubby

Bella got a little too into her stocking...

Bella checking out my stocking stuffers..

Me....

Jenn & Chris

I'm not sure what Jenn is doing... But, I do know she needs to pull her top up..

Aaron & Jenn

Travis & Jenn.. (he hates his picture being taken..)

We were able to have the whole family together for Christmas. And you might ask... Why is that so hard??? Well were a blended family. And trying to get my husbands ex to agree on something that we want, well, it's almost impossible... But we did it this year... and let's not forget that I have to juggle times and such with my ex's family (even tho he is alot easier to work with).. But, this year the star's just lined up perfectly..

mawmaw has left the state

2008-11-17T12:23:00.000-06:00

Mawmaw & Jenn

Mawmaw & Jenn getting there hands waxed...

Mawmaw & Jenn & Travis

Jenn trimming Mawmaw's hair

Travis, me, Jenn and Mawmaw after Jenn's graduation...

My mom left this weekend to fly back to the beautiful state of North Carolina... She had left the warmth of the Carolina's for the frigid Midwest to help out her eldest daughter (me) while I recuperated after surgery. It was a blessing to have her here. I'll admit, I could have made it without her (don't tell my dad) but any reason that I can get my mom up here and spend some quality Mother/Daughter time with her is so worth playing helpless.. lol
I am at the age now where I look at my mom and I can say.. you know what.. she is smart, and she does know a thing or two.. Unlike my younger years where I thought that I knew it all and could do it all by myself... Now I understand that my mom is pretty cool to hang out with..
Go figure, I come to this conclusion now that I live almost a 1000 miles away..
So now I sit here and think to myself...are there anymore surgeries that I need....
I love you momma...

My Dancin' Step-son

2008-11-06T14:11:00.000-06:00

So the other nite when I mentioned that I went and watched my step-son C at his school performance, i also video'ed it... another reason that I was hurt that he didn't speak... But... anyhoo... I'm over it... They did a GREAT job.. and it was only a practice performance... I can't wait to see them when they compete.. I am going to try and post the video's that I took...
This is the 2nd dance
And this is the 3rd one...

Chemo Angel

2008-11-04T23:05:00.000-06:00

Well... I think for "now" that I am over the Step-mom thing... lol

So, I will start with something that I chose to do that has made me feel really good... that actually Is meant to make someone else feel good. A few weeks ago I signed up to become a Chemo Angel... The way this works is... you are given a patient that is currently going thru Chemo... and your job is to send them little notes or maybe a little pick-me-up-gift.. At least something on a weekly basis.. Chemo Angel's are told NOT to expect a reply from your Chemo patient... They may be too busy and to sick to be expected to answer you.. So I sent off my first letter to my Chemo Patient not expecting an answer, but a little place inside of me was sooo hoping that i would get a reply, at least a short one. In my letter I included my email address, and low and behold I heard from her today.. and she even sent me some pictures of her two beautiful babies.. 3 yrs & 9 mos old... They are precious. And mom is close to my heart.. she is a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother and now a Chemo patient and she is only in her late 20's. I myself was a Chemo patient at the age of 30, I was a single mom with two small children, so I totally understand everything that she is going thru...

I bought some great hand & body lotion and some matching shower gel that I am going to drop in the mail to her tomorrow... So if there is anyone out there at all that will read my blog and you have any good idea's for some little pick-me-up-gifts for her... leave me a comment and let me know. Any ideas will help.

And if anyone else is interested in becoming a Chemo angel to someone in need.. please go to http://www.chemoangels.net/ . I'm sure there is someone out there that could use a pick-me-up from you.... ^j^

Step-mom's

2008-11-02T21:04:00.000-06:00

I wanted to start this blog and use it for happy normal things that happen in our "crazy" life of a "Blended" family with 4 children....But there are some things that have been happening (for years)and I just can't get them out of my mind... So I thought that maybe, putting my thoughts and feeling into words... just might help. We'll see....
Here I go... As I had mentioned before we are a blended family. My husband has 2 sons from a previous marriage.. I can feel step-mother's cringing all over the world, feeling my pain, before I even start. I will start with.. my 2 step-sons are wonderful young men. From the very beginning of the relationship between their father and me, I have always loved them and tried my hardest to treat them no different than my own 2 children. At the beginning A & C lived with there "birth" mother across the river.. We live in an area where on 1 side of the river is one state and when you cross the river your in another state... So they lived on one side and we (their dad & I) lived on the other... It sounds like a long commute, but it's not.. maybe 20 minutes from their home to ours.. But anyhoo.. I felt guilty because my children were always involved in some sort of activity.. And A & C were not.. Even tho dad paid child support we started getting them involved in things in our community, with my children.. Thing such as swimming lessons, ice skating lessons, baseball, soccer, boy scouts, we signed them up because we felt is was the right thing to do.. And I know that it was.. But over the years they eventually moved across the river with us, even though the oldest returned to the other side of the river.. We still tried to make sure that they were and that we were involved in activities that would help them to be a better person, maybe in school, in the community or just in life... I have about been to every game, concert, meeting, school programs, teacher meetings, and so forth.. even though their "birth " mother has made about 25% of the events in these 2 young men's lives... Their was and is always a "good" reason that she didn't make a game or a derby or whatever it was, that was very important to the boys, and they always accepted her reason..
There were many times that I missed my own children's things, because I knew that they would always have a cheering section between grandparent, Aunts, Uncles, and of course their dad... because, I would go and watch A or C in their activity, because chances were their "birth" mother would not be there.. I would have tears in my eyes watching A of the soccer field just scanning the crowd many times.. and I know that he was looking for his mother, but so many times she didn't show.. Oh, he would be upset.. till he talked to her, and she would give him 1 of 1000's of reasons that she has used over the last 11 1/2 yrs of their life and again.. he would buy and then everything would be all hunky dorey..
What I can't understand and what hurts me the most is...When she finally does show up for something.. It's like their dad & I are invisible.. we don't exist.. Tonight we went to a show at the high school that C was in.. Even though I just had a Major surgery 4 days ago.. I am the one that made sure he outfit was clean and ready, made sure he was there on time, I am the one that stood with my arms in the air the whole show so that I could video it for him... His dad even arranged to get off of work early, so that he could be there.. and after the show was over, he went straight to his mother, whom we were very surprised was even there, since C had asked to go to her home for the weekend and was told she had plans, he had tried to call her all weekend to make sure she was gonna be there, and every time he got the answering machine, for 3 days straight.. But she finally called him on the afternoon of the show, about 3 hours before and said that she would be there... I know that he loves his mother (and he should), but it was again, like having a knife stabbed in the heart.. His dad had to go up to him about 10 minutes after the show to find out if he was riding with us or getting a ride... Well... his mother had her "perfect mother' mask on, so she said that she would drop him off at our house.. It was sad.. I would loved to have told him how great he did. Even if I had to tell him after he had visited with his mother for a few minutes... but he had no intention of even coming over to us... he went with his mom and got in the food line..
I am tired of being hurt and crying over this... Everyone says... oh... A & C will see the real picture when they are older.. They will know what's what... But will they ever??? Did I waste all of this time in my life on another woman's children, for nothing?? I do believe that because of the time and opportunities that I gave A & C that they will be better adults for it... But am I being selfish to ask... What do I get out of it... I don't get the love & the hugs... like she does.. What do step-mom's get in return for all the love and support that we give to our step-children?? I know... I'm sure I am being selfish... So, I'll quit rambling... and just shut-up....